Letter to Loralei.....

To My Sweet Loralei,

You're one today!  I can't believe a whole year has flown by.  It saddens my heart to think of how fast time has flown.  I have been there for everything & so afraid to miss something yet I feel like I've missed it all.

Before you were born I had always hoped for a boy first.  Mainly b/c I've always thought to myself, "I don't know what to do with a little girl."  I'm not a very girly girl, artsy craftsy & definitely not Martha Stuart by any means.  I remember my mother being ALL of those things.  I adored her. Still to this day family talks of how I was attached to her hip & wouldn't let anyone have anything to do with me, except her. I was a Mommy's girl, no doubt about that one. She was & still is, my hero.  I long to make her proud.  Feeling robbed of a mother/daughter relationship so early in life brought many fears to my heart and at the same time down deep I hoped to eventually share that mother/daughter relationship. But God knew what I NEEDED......

You entered my world.  When you took your first breath I feel like I did as well.  My life was new!  I can't explain the change that took place when you were born.  Somehow, I think you already know how strong my love is for you.  We have a very strong bond.  Knowing how much you love me and watching you express that to me the best way you possibly can is so overwhelming to me.  Sometimes you are even compared to how I was with my mother.  When you want to be loved, nurtured, held.....no one else will do.  You have to have Mommy.  I often respond, "That's ok.  She can be like that all she wants.  I hope she loves me as much as I loved my mom."  Even your first word was "Ma Ma".  Watching you learn how to give kisses & hugs is so sweet.  You can be playing to your hearts content but all of a sudden you'll look at me, crawl over to me, stand up & give me the biggest hug.  Those little arms wrap around my heart every time.  You waller on me like a pig in the mud too!  Even your Daddy can't have anything to do with you at times.  He just watches and will often say, "Gosh, she loves you."   I often wonder why you love me so much though.  I'm not sure what it is that you think is so great about me but I'm so glad you do.

Loralei, you are a beautiful little girl.  You're more than I ever dreamed of.  One of the most important things is you have always been a very healthy baby.   We've been blessed to not have to experience anything more than a fever virus & teething, so far. Everyone says you look like your daddy, except you have my blue eyes, only much much prettier.  You have the biggest most beautiful blue eyes I've ever seen.  The prettiest little blonde curls.  People always comment on how pretty your blue eyes are & where did you get those blonde curls. You have so much personality and make us laugh all the time.  You're so smart. Even when you were a newborn people commented on how observant you seemed to be.  You always seem to be taking EVERYTHING in.  You must get this brain from your daddy too.  You love dogs, mainly Bella.  I always say Bella is your favorite toy.  She can get your giggle box going like nothing else in this world.  You have the funniest little laugh.  I can only describe it as the fakest real laugh I've ever heard.  When you're upset, tired or got a boo boo the only thing that can make it better is Mommy.  You'll cry until I get you & once you're in my arms you immediately stop.  You wrap those little arms around my neck & play with my hair.  You have the biggest heart and so much love to give.

Loralei, being your mother is the proudest part of my existence.  You bring an indescribable joy to my soul.  I find myself praying on a daily basis that God never allows our relationship to be taken prematurely.  Not only do you need me but I need you more than you'll ever know.  You're so amazing and I'm so proud of you.
HAPPY 1st BIRTHDAY!!!!

My cup runneth over
I LOVE YOU!
Mommy





                                                          Minutes after she was born

                                                                     1 Day old

                                                                               Finally Home

3 Months 

                6 months                                                                                                         9 months

1 Year

The hearbeat that changed our world....Part 2

Chuck turned the emergency flashers on and got us from Brookwood to Northport Hospital in 20 min!  He ran inside to go get me a wheelchair while I waited in the truck.  When he came back out he said, " I told them my wife is in labor and needs a wheelchair and they wanted to ask if we had been upstairs yet and would need to go there first.  He quickly replied...NO, my wife's in labor I'll be taking her a wheelchair NOW!"  I thought he was sweet for taking care of me but my my response was, "watch me get the nurse you cocked an attitude with & she's going to hate us!"   Chuck wheels me into the hospital & he points out which nurse he got an attitude with & of course, low & behold, wouldn't you know......she was my nurse.  She was young & cute & thank goodness just as sweet as she could be & I just we loved her to death.  She took such good care of me.   They took me into a room and began to assess me.  I just knew with all the pain I had to be AT LEAST 5-6 cm dilated......NOPE....I was only a whole WHOPPING 3!  3?!?!?  Are you kidding me?!?!?!  They gave me something to help with the contractions until the anesthetist could get there to give me an epidural.
My Aunt Darlene had called my Dad & my Aunt Becky to let them know we had gone to the hospital.  My Daddy arrived just as fast as he could.  Poor Fran, my stepmom, couldn't come.  Christmas is one of her busiest seasons for her dog boarding business and she was unable to get away.  At the hospital waiting on this sweet little angel to make her debut were my Daddy, Jacki (Chuck's mom), Aunt Darlene & Becky, & cousins Brittany & Kayla.

 Finally the on call doctor came in to check me and estimated I'd prob deliver around 2:30AM.  When it came time to push my nurses all thought she would deliver so easy b/c she had been so low for so long and was, what seemed to be, ready.  The doctor had gone to get some sleep until it was time to deliver.  When he came back I pushed for about an hour, which none of them thought it would take that long.  He finally sat back and said she is facing sunny side up & hitting bone to bone.  She won't come out like this I need her to be face down.  I thought he was preparing me for possible c-section so I asked what our options were.  He proposed using the vacuum to try turning her first.   I told the doctor I was glad he had glasses b/c I could see her being delivered (minus all the other stuff).   The vacuum was successful and I pushed 3 times and she was here!  She literally came out kicking & screaming.  The monitor they had hooked around my belly allowed you to hear when she kicked.  She was half way out & started crying & then we heard her kicking on the monitor.  He laid that precious baby on me & I lost it.  The transformation that takes place instantaneously upon touch is miraculous.  My heart was no longer mine.  I was a mommy!
Our families anxiously awaited out in the lobby the entire time.  Chuck went to share the good news & they all thought they weren't going to be able to see her so they were going to head home.  They were heading down the hall w/ Chuck & he said, "Ya'll know you can go see her...."  Chuck said my Dad started RUNNING down the hall like a little kid.  I can actually imagine my dad running down the hall but picturing it still makes me laugh.  I wish I could have seen that.  Everyone was so exhausted but they awaited the arrival of this precious little girl.  So many loved her already.
The doctors rounds started very early the next morning probably only giving me about 3 more hours of sleep (a total of 6 in 2 days).  First Loralei's pediatrician and then my OB doctor.  She opened the door and said, "I am SO MAD at you!  I can't believe you had her and didn't wait on me."
Since the day Loralei was born she is a strong willed little girl.  You can't rush her into anything.  She was not going to forced out she made her entrance when she was ready.  My doctor said less than 5% of babies come naturally on their due date.  I was so glad she came on her own.  I didn't want to induce.  I like the idea of her being born when God wanted her to be & having her own birthday and not one that was picked for her.
This past year has been more than blessed for me & Chuck.  Being parents makes you feel like a life is complete.
Loralei Marie Brewer was delivered at 2:33AM on Dec 30th, 2010.
She was 19 3/4in & weighed in at 7lbs 2oz.  (Darlene said Brad and Brooke made their way in there somehow....it was 27 backwards)

The hearbeat that changed our world....Part 1

One year ago today I had an early Dr appt w/ my OB.  We were scheduled to induce on Loralei's due date, Dec 30th.  I had been contracting for 2 days & was hoping she would go ahead and admit me.  However, I was only 2cm dilated & 90% ephased.  My Dr advised I go home and take some extra strength tylenol for the pain & try to get some rest before in the morning. I was a little disappointed b/c the contractions were only getting stronger. So, Chuck & I went home as instructed to endure the wait.....
When we got home I immediately took some tylenol for the pain & tried to lie down to get some rest.  I had probably only gotten 3 hours total the night before b/c the contractions had started and they kept me up.  So needless to say I was already tired but beginning stages of labor weren't allowing me any rest.  Chuck made sure I was ok and comfortable and went out back to burn some leaves.  I desperately tried to nap to no avail......the tylenol was not even slightly helping the increasing pain.  I constantly felt the need to pee as well. It was around 2:30 pm & I finally decided I wasn't getting any sleep so I got up to use the restroom.  IMMEDIATELY after using the restroom & without too many details labor had begun.  I could barely stand and it was not done without hanging on to the bathroom sink.  Chuck was still outside and at this point I am still confused as to what point I'm supposed to say "It's time!"  I called my Aunt Darlene, who has worked in the OB field for almost 20 yrs. She advised for us to head back to the hospital and asked what the status of my appt was this morning.  She told Chuck my water could possibly break on the way and to grab some towels. Labor was becoming so intense I could barely stand and I definitely could not stand upright.  Chuck grabbed our bags & loaded the truck as I dressed myself.  I finally made it to the truck & we were on our way.....


These were taken the morning before Loralei was born, Dec 29th.  Just before we headed to my last Dr Appt.

40 wks pregnant w/ Loralei Marie